SmutStone

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SmutStone's Review

Smut Stone? Hey, why the fuck even bother with online games that aren’t sexy enough to bust a nut to? That’s simply not an efficient use of your time. Kill two birds with one stone and play a quality game that’s hot enough to jerk off to every time you sit down to play. I know, I know, porn games can be pretty bad. We’ve all tried those shitty flash style games with models that look straight out of a nightmare.But, thankfully, most games worth talking about aren’t like that anymore. This one's for you card game lovers. No more watching porn in one tab while trying to build a quality deck to crush some losers in the other. Now you can do both at the same time!Smutstone.com is a porn-themed card game that takes some liberties from the ever-popular game Hearthstone. It’s a very similar game, so if you’re familiar with that one then you’ll probably like what they’ve got going on here. It’s like hooking up with your girlfriend’s sexier, kinkier sister. They’ve got similar figures. One just lets you cum on her face. But, yeah, this game launched back in 2017, so it’s still pretty fresh out of the gates. Though that hasn’t stopped them from amassing a decent following of over 4 million site views every single month.No Apps or Downloads. The Game Plays Right in Your Browser.It’s all in the browser. Head to Smutstone.com and it’s all there for you. No downloads, apps, or any other programs to deal with. I actually prefer it that way. There’s nothing quite as incriminating as someone finding your stash of crazy porn games on your computer. Can’t just wipe that history and be done of it. Plus, you can close out browser games quickly. That way you can hike those pants back up, slam that tab closed, and try and act like you weren’t trying cum your fucking brains out.The game gets going right when you get to the site. You can sign up and make an account to pick up where you sexy escapades left off. Otherwise, you start off from the beginning. It’s not a game you play for the plot. You’re some dude at a strip club when the stripper gets stolen by some pig-faced imp that probably gets laid more often than you fucks. You stop the babe who stole your stripper and the imp guides you through all the important aspects of the game.Fuck Bitches, Make Money, and RepeatBasically, your goal is to explore the land and add chicks to your harem, thus building your deck of hot babes. I told you it was simple. But they have to make this shit easy to understand. It can get tough to read when you’re vigorously shaking your desk while jerking your dick.The game is equally simple. You go through battle after battle defeating bitches and adding them to your deck. You can modify the cards you have in your deck to max out on attack power. The cards lineup and you just hit fight. From there it’s fairly automatic. It’s not going to take a shit-ton of strategy to get through most of the fights. Each card has sexy designs of hot fantasy babes that lose more and more clothing as you “Seduce” or level them up throughout the game.Leveling the cards up gives them more health and more power. Each player gets three cards on the field. Your goal is to try and defeat the other three cards and then take out your opponent's health bar. That’s it. It’s not too hard. Defeating opponents usually awards you coins or cards. Swap cards in and out to create the strongest deck possible, or do what I did and make a lineup of the hottest sluts that you capture.Sex Scenes Could be More In-Depth When you beat certain bosses you’ll get sex scenes that are fairly decent. I wish they were longer and more detailed. You get a couple of slides, maybe, of fucking some fantasy chick in the ass or something along those lines. The dialog isn’t going to get you hot and bothered. It’s shit like “Wrong door” replied with “No the back door is the correct door.” It’s actually pretty cringey all throughout. Get some better writers on the team or something. Honestly, I didn’t find them incredibly fap worthy. The art style isn’t my taste, but maybe you desperate cucks out there could get off to it.You can fight other players, engage in tournaments, buy card packs, and all the same shit you could do on a regular card game. And, as always, there’s a catch. It’s free to play, but each battle takes a portion of stamina. When you run out you can’t play unless you use in-game currency to continue. It’s like you’re fucking some chick and, oh wait, that’s not relatable to you betas. It’s like when you’re on your third fap of the day and need to take a good couple hours before you can bust another nut, or you could gulp down a Viagra or some shit and keep on going. You get the idea.Game Player is Way too Small!One gripe I have is that the game is too small. The player should be twice the size of what it is. It’s not like the rest of the page is even taken up by anything else. It’s just a bunch of black space, which is better than white space at least. Especially when you’re trying to squint at this tiny fucking game player. There isn’t even a full-screen option! The fuck, man. How am I supposed to check out all the awesome, intricate artwork of busty, armor-clad demon babes if I can’t get the player any bigger?Game isn’t Formatted Right for Mobile PlayThe mobile site is even worse. Since there’s no app or anything, you’re just getting the desktop site. The only way the game is anywhere near playable on mobile is if you rotate the screen. But even then you’re having to deal with the screen moving by accident and bunch of other wonky mobile bullshit that doesn’t make it any fun to play this game on the go. I’d just stick with the desktop version of the site. Clicking buttons and logging in is just a huge pain in the ass on your phone. It’s marginally better on tablet, but I still wouldn’t fuck with it if I were you.ThePornDude’s Favorite FeaturesThe game is fun. I’ll give it that. It’s not nearly as tedious and mind-numbing as some of the “popular” porn games out there. I can get behind some card games, and this one is pretty decent. It’s not going to have you glued to your seat with the plot or baffled by the strategy. It’s a good time waster that has some decent sex scenes coupled with it. And, hey, it’s free to play. Just don’t go sinking cash into the microtransactions. You’re better than that.ThePornDude’s SuggestionsThe format could use work. Really, what it needs most is a bigger video player. I don’t get why the hell they made it so small. Hooligapps is the company that makes the game, and they make other great games that take up the entire screen. This one should be no different. I also think more intricate sex scenes are in order. How am I supposed to nut to like two frames of my hero getting blown by some chick? The rewards start to not feel like they aren’t worth all the time you’re putting in when the scenes are so damn short.ThePornDude’s Final ThoughtsOverall, Smutstone.com is a fun time-waster of game. I wouldn’t come in expecting to jerk off. The sex scenes are pretty softcore and come and go very quickly. It’s more of a game to play in between faps or when you just want to blow some time fucking around with a simple game. It’s average. Like that bitch 7/10 bitch, you’d meet in a Communications class who wears t-shirts and jeans. You weren’t wowed or impressed, but, hey, she was fine enough in bed. A nut is a nut. So, go into Smutstone with that shit in mind and you’ll have a fun enough time.

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